Our First Adoption Meeting

We had our first adoption meeting today. We got to meet Paula, all three of us clicked from the moment we met each other.

She had received our packet and read through it before our meeting. The meeting started out with introductions. Then she said so many people have questions about adoption so she wanted to go through the different ways.

• Word of Mouth Adoption (this is the option we are choosing) - tell everyone you know that you are looking for a match. That way they can tell everyone they know and so on and so forth
• She gave us the name of a local lawyer that gets the calls from the local hospitals when a woman comes in to give birth and is unable to take them home
• Agency Adoption - Very expensive, we would be spending between $20,000 - $25,000. American adoptions is the most known place. They have an office in Rogers, AR.
• An advantage to this is that the mother is taken care of by the agency
• Private Lawyers - This is also very expensive, most places cost about $30,000. She gave us some names of some highly recommended lawyers

In the state of Arkansas the window before the actual adoption can take place is 5 days. So, from the day the baby is born they have 5 days to change their mind. This is one of the things that scares both of us the most. Receiving a child and then getting it taken away from us. However, you miss 100% of the chances that you don't take and we are willing to take this chance.

She also talked to us about the adoption tax credit, you get this back the year that you have placement of a child.

We scheduled our home study for Wednesday November 5th  Thursday November 13th. She will come to our house and check everything out to make sure that we have room for a child. She will also interview us individually at that time, this is part of the whole process.

We discussed timing, she said based on our preferences it could happen as soon as the home study is done, or it could take months. You just never know. 

We are hoping for the best, that our home study passes. I am not that worried about this, she told us that our paperwork was all great and that there were no red flags. 

Our next plan is to get in touch with the lawyer that is local and get put on her list. 

We are so excited and feel like this is all happening very quickly now!

So excited to become parents!

Adoption 101

After making the decision to adopt we know that we have to get the right people in place and the knowledge of it in order for that to happen.

I have a friend from high school (thank you Barbara!) that has adopted and she gave me the name of a lady that is local. I spoke with her at the beginning of October, she said she would go ahead and send me the paperwork and we set up our very first meeting that would be on October 22nd. That gave us about two weeks to get together the paperwork that she would be sending us.

I received the packet in email form, it is 52 pages long! Half of it was for me and the other half for Benji to fill out.

The beginning is personal background information, name/DOB, etc. Then you go in to describing your personality, how others would describe you, what your goals are, what your life challenges have been/are. The next pages are about your family, how you were raised, how you were disciplined. How we think we would parent together, would we do the same things our parents did or change things up? Then there is a section about our education, work history, ethical and religious values. There are a lot of questions on adoption. What you think about it, how you came to terms with being ready for it. Lots of questions on marriage, what makes you a good spouse, what makes your partner a good spouse, etc. There are about 4 pages on infertility, how it makes you feel, how it has affected your marriage. Assets and liabilities, you have to list your monthly income, what monthly expenses come out, what you have in your bank accounts. 

It is a lot of information, I understand why they do it. They have to make sure you are ready to become parents and are emotionally, physically and financially able to become a parent. 

I am not going to lie. There were some HARD questions in there. We each filled our paperwork out on our own and then I had to put them both together to compile them to be able to send them in. We have been married for just under 7 years, and have know each other for almost 14. It is crazy to me how much we are on the same page without even discussing things. I love that about our relationship. It has always been easy. 

One of the questions that sticks out in my mind is what you want your child/children to remember most about you when they look back on their childhood. We both answered with the time that we spend with them making memories.

We also had to have three reference letters completed. We gave them to our friends/family members that we chose for them to fill out and send in. 

Now the next thing we wait for is our appointment!

Our Next Step

We have been taking a break from everything to do with infertility. Just taking the time to be a couple without the stress of everything. This is easier said than done though, especially with me. I take supplements in the morning and at night, as well as my thyroid medication and HRT. This is an everyday reminder to me of what I have.

Ever since being diagnosed we have fought with everything we have to be able to reverse this nasty disease. However, during the course of the last two years we have chatted about adoption a time or two. Always saying that we would come back to it when and if we are ready. 

When we were on our vacation in July at the beach we had a date night. That night after we got back to the condo we walked down to the beach and sat in some chairs and just talked. Talked about where we have been in regards to being childless, what we are currently doing and what the future looked like for both of us. We both know that we do not want to live our lives without kids. So, after about an hour we decided that we wanted to look in to adoption and see what it was all about, since neither of us know much about it, just the normal things you hear from people. The high cost of it and the long waits for child placement.

After arriving back home to our normal everyday routines, I had been looking online through the state's website. You can sign up through there and submit your application online. That starts the process, then you go through a home study, about 30 hours of classes as a couple and then you are open to get children. 

I wanted so badly to fill out the application and submit it, we were ready for the next step. All that was standing between us was that one little submit button. Before hitting it, we talked about it again and decided we just weren't ready. One thing about marriage is that there is an ebb and flow, you have to compromise, be on the same page. Especially about life altering decisions. So we waited. And thought more and more about it.

One thing that infertility will teach you is to be patient. And I have a feeling through the adoption process we will be learning more and more about patience.

We were sitting out on our deck one night, just chatting about life. And I brought up the whole adoption discussion again. We talked about the things that we are both scared of. We talked about the joy that it will bring us. 

I do believe the two additional months that we both waited and reflected made us even more ready for our journey ahead. 

Since then I had been reading a lot about the differences in state adoption and private adoption. State adoption you normally get older kids, you do have a chance of younger but not a big one. With private you are able to get an infant. 

That saying that "everything happens for a reason" is so true, especially in this case. I think that we would have rushed the thought and actions the two months prior so I am so glad we waited. 

That brings me to where we are today. We are going to adopt, preferably an infant, a child that we can raise with our own morals and values. A child that we can show them the value of family, growing up with the two great families that we are blessed to be a part of.

We are so excited about our future and what the coming months will hold for us. We are happy to announce that we have officially begun our journey to adopt!

Inspiration Boards

I have had this idea in my head for awhile. Ever since I started blogging I have really tuned in to different quotes that I LOVE.

I went to Hobby Lobby and was able to get some accessories and make my idea turn in to our bathroom wall decoration.

This is the view looking down the wall

First board

2nd board

3rd board

View from the other end

Love being able to see all of these quotes each morning. They help me keep things in perspective and start my day off right. I read most of them while I am drying may hair each day.

I truly believe that seeing is believing, so this helps me with that aspect of my infertility. And makes me keep my hope alive.

Hormone Replacement Therapy - HRT

Since being diagnosed with Osteopenia, my doctors have stressed the importance of Hormone Replacement Therapy (HRT). Since my body is in premature menopause my estrogen is low which normally happens much later in life. With me being so young it is important that my bones are protected since they will be without it for much longer.

I am the type of person that likes to think things out. These are big decisions in my life, taking something for the rest of my life. I was on birth control for 12 years, I don't know for a fact if that had anything to do with my POF, but my body was being tricked each month by hormones that I wasn't actually producing myself. So, I have been thinking about what to do since the end of July.

Since this journey started I have taken a more natural approach, because that is what I believe in. I do not want to force something if it isn't going to happen on it's own naturally. But with saying that I do want to be able to live a long and healthy life the best I can.

My thyroid doctor offers bio-identical hormone replacement. The thyroid medication that I am taking, prescribed by him, is natural instead of synthetic as well.

Natural or bio-identical hormones are the exact same molecular form of the hormones that humans naturally make. They are made from a natural hormone in sweet potatoes or soy beans that is easily converted to natural human hormones.

Based on this information I knew this was the therapy for me.

I made an appointment and went in on Wednesday, 10/1. We discussed the different options, since I had already researched it some we were able to talk awhile about it. One thing that I love about Dr. O is that he takes the time to explain things to me. There is nothing more I don't like than a doctor not willing to talk to me and treat me like a number. He is the exact opposite of that.

I had my blood drawn to check my Estradiol and Progesterone. He also wanted to check my vitamin D, I have been taking this in supplement form as well as calcium and magnesium for my optimal bone health.

• Vitamin D, 25-Hydroxy came back as 86.3 ng/mL, this was in range
• Estradiol came back as 49.5 pg/mL, this should be in between 60 and 100
• Progesterone came back as .4 ng/mL, this should be in between 10 and 20

Not really alarming news to me, when I have had my estrogen and progesterone tested before they always came back low. So, I wasn't expecting any different.

After speaking with the doctor he went ahead and put two prescriptions for me, one for estradiol - .5 mg and one for progesterone - 100mg. We are starting out low and slow to see how my body reacts to it and then will increase the dosages if needed. 

That brings me to today. 

I went by the pharmacy to pick up my prescriptions so I could start taking them. Since it is Friday I decided to just go through the drive thru so I could get home since we had plans for the night.

The lady grabs the two prescriptions, then gets on the speaker. She apologized first, I am guessing because she can see that I am younger, then she said I have to ask you a question in order to be able to give these to you. From the moment she said that, I already knew...

Are you pregnant? 

I swallowed hard and simply said no. This is such a heartbreaking thing for me to answer. Then I got to thinking, crap...I am going to have to answer this every time I am guessing. 

She apologized again, she was a very sweet lady. Stating that by law she has to ask the question. I get it, I understand...but that doesn't make it easier.

As she was sending them out, I asked her if there was a way they could put something on my file. She said no, there was a place to put if you ARE pregnant but there is no where for her to put if you aren't/can't become pregnant. Wonderful news! Oh the joys of infertility.

So, that is one set of prescriptions I will be sure my husband picks up!