Vivid Dreams

The past two nights I have had very vivid dreams. They have both been the same exact thing, it has freaked me out enough that I don't even want to go to sleep anymore.

It all begins that we find out we are pregnant, we get the honor of telling both of our families who are all ecstatic because we have been waiting for this for such a long time. Then we go through each month chronicling the growth of my belly. And preparing the nursery. Living our lives in pure bliss and joy. 9 months go by quickly and we are in the hospital having our precious baby that we have dreamed about. We cry with such happy emotion, all while our family and friends are around. Then I wake up.

Two nights in a row. The exact same thing. You know when you have a dream and feel like it is real? That is how I have been waking up. And then I realize it isn't true and my heart just breaks all over again.

I don't know why I am having these dreams, but I am sure there has to be a reason for it. I haven't had the time to dwell on our infertility lately. We have been busy, it is just a busy time in our lives. For this I have been thankful, not that I am not dealing with it but that it gets pushed to the back of my heart and mind.

Maybe these dreams are a way of pulling me back to reality to deal with it. The problem is I don't know how to do it. I feel like we are stuck. I have tried numerous things, researched many hours. I don't have good chances scientifically. I know that...I get that. But, it doesn't make it any easier. Then I read stories about women with the same thing and they spontaneously get pregnant. And it gives me such hope.

One thing I do know, whatever happens, I will never give up on this. I owe that to myself, my husband and our families.