Hormone Replacement Therapy - HRT

Since being diagnosed with Osteopenia, my doctors have stressed the importance of Hormone Replacement Therapy (HRT). Since my body is in premature menopause my estrogen is low which normally happens much later in life. With me being so young it is important that my bones are protected since they will be without it for much longer.

I am the type of person that likes to think things out. These are big decisions in my life, taking something for the rest of my life. I was on birth control for 12 years, I don't know for a fact if that had anything to do with my POF, but my body was being tricked each month by hormones that I wasn't actually producing myself. So, I have been thinking about what to do since the end of July.

Since this journey started I have taken a more natural approach, because that is what I believe in. I do not want to force something if it isn't going to happen on it's own naturally. But with saying that I do want to be able to live a long and healthy life the best I can.

My thyroid doctor offers bio-identical hormone replacement. The thyroid medication that I am taking, prescribed by him, is natural instead of synthetic as well.

Natural or bio-identical hormones are the exact same molecular form of the hormones that humans naturally make. They are made from a natural hormone in sweet potatoes or soy beans that is easily converted to natural human hormones.

Based on this information I knew this was the therapy for me.

I made an appointment and went in on Wednesday, 10/1. We discussed the different options, since I had already researched it some we were able to talk awhile about it. One thing that I love about Dr. O is that he takes the time to explain things to me. There is nothing more I don't like than a doctor not willing to talk to me and treat me like a number. He is the exact opposite of that.

I had my blood drawn to check my Estradiol and Progesterone. He also wanted to check my vitamin D, I have been taking this in supplement form as well as calcium and magnesium for my optimal bone health.

• Vitamin D, 25-Hydroxy came back as 86.3 ng/mL, this was in range
• Estradiol came back as 49.5 pg/mL, this should be in between 60 and 100
• Progesterone came back as .4 ng/mL, this should be in between 10 and 20

Not really alarming news to me, when I have had my estrogen and progesterone tested before they always came back low. So, I wasn't expecting any different.

After speaking with the doctor he went ahead and put two prescriptions for me, one for estradiol - .5 mg and one for progesterone - 100mg. We are starting out low and slow to see how my body reacts to it and then will increase the dosages if needed. 

That brings me to today. 

I went by the pharmacy to pick up my prescriptions so I could start taking them. Since it is Friday I decided to just go through the drive thru so I could get home since we had plans for the night.

The lady grabs the two prescriptions, then gets on the speaker. She apologized first, I am guessing because she can see that I am younger, then she said I have to ask you a question in order to be able to give these to you. From the moment she said that, I already knew...

Are you pregnant? 

I swallowed hard and simply said no. This is such a heartbreaking thing for me to answer. Then I got to thinking, crap...I am going to have to answer this every time I am guessing. 

She apologized again, she was a very sweet lady. Stating that by law she has to ask the question. I get it, I understand...but that doesn't make it easier.

As she was sending them out, I asked her if there was a way they could put something on my file. She said no, there was a place to put if you ARE pregnant but there is no where for her to put if you aren't/can't become pregnant. Wonderful news! Oh the joys of infertility.

So, that is one set of prescriptions I will be sure my husband picks up!

Back to School

We have been on our journey through infertility now for a year and a half. The beginning was definitely the most emotional for me. Trying to get through all the information and understanding one sentence that will forever change two people's lives.

Once we digested the initial shock we went in to battle mode. How are we going to beat this? Researching, researching, researching. Looking for success stories to boost our confidence and trying to beat the odds that are stacked very high against us.

Two infertility clinics later we knew that the way for us to go was a more natural path. Our odds according to those doctors weren't very good so we didn't have much to lose.

I have been completely focused on that for the past year, a year and two and a half months to be exact. Sometimes it doesn't seem like that long but sometimes if feels like an eternity.

Things have started to slow down for us. I have taken herbs and supplements for longer than I have planned, I tried acupuncture. Got the right medication to get my thyroid on track. Doing my Mercier Therapy to get rid of my scar tissue and get everything flowing and moving correctly.

When we began the natural journey I was sure that it was going to work, isn't that how things always are at the beginning?! I still have hope, my light is just a little dimmer than it was at the beginning. I will never give up on this, for as long as I live. I will continue to research and find new things that are working for people and happening in the infertility world. But, sometimes one can only take so many hits before it starts getting to them.

This past Sunday I was scrolling through Facebook. I started noticing all of the back to school posts about people getting all of their child's things together for their very first day of preschool, kindergarten, middle school, junior high...etc.

It hit me like a ton of bricks. All of these people are my age. Friends, people I went to school with, family. Everyone but me is getting ready to send their kids back to school.

Not me.

It is crazy how the world of social media can sometimes make you feel inadequate or lonely. When it should be the complete opposite of that.

I decided last Sunday to take a break. From all of it. No more Facebook, Twitter, Instagram. Nothing. Just me and my thoughts.

I knew I wouldn't be able to handle all of the back to school posts that were to come the very next morning. I cried myself to work every day this week and every day on the way home. Passing school busses, school zones, kids walking down the sidewalk.

This week was one of the hardest weeks of my infertility journey. I think last year at this time I was so focused on me and the journey I was on and the newness of figuring out what to do and what the next thing would be to get me pregnant. That I didn't have time to see it or get down about it.

Not this year.

It has been kind of nice to be disconnected from the world for the past 6 days. Just me and my thoughts. Not comparing myself to others, not seeing birth announcements, not seeing the daily reminder that I don't have kids and am clearly not pregnant.

Now, don't get me wrong. I LOVE these things. I love children. I love my family and I love my friends and all of their kids. Most of the time it doesn't bother me at all. I love being able to see pictures of my friends and family that are far away that I don't get to see all the time, and keeping up with them and what they are doing.

Life just sucks sometimes and this is one of those times. Life is not fair. That is one lesson that I have learned the hard way.

I am glad I have had this week to reflect. What doesn't kill you makes you stronger is my motto lately.

Just being real and writing out my thoughts so that when I do have my baby I can look back and see the journey it took and to be so thankful for the things I do have in life.

Loving this quote lately and it is so true!

RESOLVE to Know More

This week is National Infertiliy Awareness Week (NIAW). NIAW is celebrating 25 years this year. What a great group/organization to get the word out there and to be the main source for support groups and resources. I am doing the Bloggers Unite Challenge to bring awareness to our situation and to get people talking about infertility since so many couples suffer in silence.

I resolve to learn more about the disease of infertility. It affects 1 in 8 couples. Most of these couples suffer in silence. 

If you haven't read my blog before, I suffer from Premature Ovarian Failure/Primary Ovarian Insufficiency, better known as POF/POI. Only 1% of women in the world have it which makes it hard to find a doctor that knows much about it. 5 - 10% of couples have spontaneous pregnancy. The only other option given by doctors is donor egg using IVF.

My husband and I first told our families of our infertility right away. For awhile we didn't talk about it to others. It was embarrassing to us and we didn't know anyone else who had the same issues. Infertility can be a very lonely world most of the time. Once we decided what path we wanted to take I began blogging about it. It was  is a great release for me. 

I have always said that if I could just help one person I feel that I have made a difference. 

We have chosen a more natural path to try and beat the odds that are just a number. We will never give up HOPE. 

I resolve to teach people what to say to couples struggling with infertility.

One of the things we have experienced many times along our journey is "just adopt". Just that simple, right?! Actually, no it isn't. There are many things that go in to adoption: Learn about the process, select an agency, complete a home study, search for a child, exchange information with child's agency, be selected for that child, meet and visit the child, receive a placement and finalize your adoption. It is not a simple process. And then you add in to that the emotional process of it. 

Infertile couples are aware that adoption is a choice. You don't need to tell them that. But, the thing that hurts when that is said is that you as a couple have to come to terms that you may never be able to have a child of your own. I don't know about you, but that is not an easy thing to come to. It has been one year and two months since I was diagnosed and we are still deciding what our next steps will be. It is not something that we take lightly either.

What you can do for an infertile couple is just be there for them. Talk about the hard things with them if they are willing to. If they aren't willing to just treat them as you normally would. Don't make every conversation about their lack to have children. Do remember them on holidays - they are especially hard. Most holiday's revolve around children. Also, remember them on Mother's/Father's Day. Even though they aren't parents yet they are grieving it so it is an extra hard holiday for them.

We are 1 in 8. 

Please click on these links to learn more:

• Basic understanding of the disease of infertility
• About NIAW

A Dream is a Wish Your Heart Makes...

Wow, I can't believe that it has been almost a month since I have updated my blog. Life has been kind of crazy and busy lately. Which is a good thing because I haven't had the time to be down and sulk about my situation.

Not a whole lot has changed. I am still doing my daily routine. Taking herbs/supplements in the morning and evening. Still going to Mercier therapy every other week. I am taking a break from acupuncture. We discussed it and I am taking about 6 weeks off to give my body a break (per my acupuncturist). I have missed it. It is so relaxing to me, and each time I would go it would knock me out cold in to a deep sleep.

I got my thyroid results back after being on my medication for 8 weeks and everything has leveled off. Which is a good thing. I was hoping to have been able to lose some weight, no chance. I was reading through a few things about hypothyroidism that says a person that has it has to work 3 times harder than an average person in order to see results. Add full blown menopause on top of that and life is just perfect! That really bothers me, but I am going with the mentality of one day at a time. I do what I can.

I have been in a rut mentally and emotionally the past few weeks. I thought that spring would be a welcoming season for me. Not so much. Nothing like everything being reborn from the winter months to really slap you in the face. Every day on my drive home I see the new baby calves and foals. Just another reminder that everything can reproduce but me. I know in my mind that this is a horrible attitude to have, but some days you just have your moments.

I have been incredibly sad too. Any little thing just sends me in to a flood of tears. This is so odd to me because at the beginning of my journey I was really upset and then once I kept going things seemed to level off. I know it just takes a toll. I am approaching a year on my natural path and haven't seen any results at all from it. Not even one drop (pun intended!). That bothers me...A LOT! At the beginning, I read success story after success story which really boosted my confidence. I know my chances are slim. I get that. If I was a betting woman I wouldn't bet on something that had a 5% chance.

I see pregnancy announcements, gender reveal parties, baby showers and new babies being born all the time. And I want that so bad. My peers are all having children. These ARE my child bearing days. This is what my body is supposed to do and it isn't.

But, then there is faith and there is hope. So thankful that I have both of them. Always there for me to lean on.

I have always compared infertility to the stages of grieving (I need to do a post on that later). And it could not be more true. The only thing is that you are grieving something that you have never had. Just a small glimpse of what we could have. I have never wanted anything so bad in my entire life. I struggle with the why all the time too. Why is someone that is addicted to drugs able to have children and I am not? I don't think that I will ever have an answer to that question. I know that I have to be patient and believe...but it is still so hard. The thing about grieving infertility though is that it keeps going. I don't know that I will ever have closure on it.

I was flipping through the channels the other day and Cinderella was on. Funny how when you are a kid you memorize all the songs to Disney movies, but I never thought about the words until I heard them that day. I feel like I was meant to hear that at that moment. And it couldn't be more true...

A dream is a wish your heart makes
When you're fast asleep
In dreams you lose your heartaches
Whatever you wish for, you keep
Have faith in your dreams and someday
Your rainbow will come smiling through
No matter how your heart is grieving
If you keep on believing
the dream that you wish will come true

I have been reading this each day, as a reminder that I just need to keep on believing and my wish will come true!

Show Us Your Life - Infertility

I am linking up to Kelly's Korner blog this morning. She does a "Show Us Your Life" post on Friday's and today is about infertility.

I was diagnosed with Premature Ovarian Failure (POF) in February 2013. I had just turned 29 years old. I have been on my journey now for one year.

POF is the loss of function of the ovaries before age 40. Basically your body goes in to premature menopause. Most people with this diagnosis have hot flashes, night sweats, etc. All the signs of menopause. I have been lucky so far. My only symptoms are my high FSH and amenorrhea.

I was also diagnosed last month with hypothyroidism. This means that I have an underactive thyroid. There is a lot of information out there linking infertility and thyroid issues so I am hoping this will get me one step closer.

Since I started my journey last year I have decided to take a more natural approach. I have been to numerous doctors, 2 fertility clinics and have received the same information from all. That I have a 5% chance of getting pregnant on my own, the same is true if I were to do IVF, only 5% chance with that as well. Since the percentages are so low the only option they give me is donor egg through IVF. My ovaries aren't working but, my uterus would be able to carry a baby.

Back to the natural part. I take herbs/supplements each morning and night. I have been going to acupuncture. I started Mercier Therapy (natural/manipulative therapy on your abdomen). All in an effort to get my body back to what it is supposed to do.

One thing I have learned throughout my journey is that you can never give up hope. It isn't easy, everyday reminders of pregnancy, people my age all having children. Infertility can be a very lonely world. Everyone in my life has been very supportive but unless you have gone through it/are going through it, it is hard to understand.

I have really learned a lot about myself so far. I am a lot stronger than I ever thought I was. My husband is amazing, I knew this before, but until you go through something this hard I guess you don't appreciate it as much.

I am happy about our decision thus far. For now we don't want to do the donor egg/IVF option. We have talked about fostering/adoption. But, aren't in a hurry. We do have some time. One other thing that I have learned is to take time to think about large life decisions. Everything does get better with time. A year ago at this time I was much more emotional/raw. Since then, I don't cry as often and have become stronger when talking about it as well.

My blog is about my journey so far. My hope is that I will be able to help just one person.

Will be praying for everyone going through this journey as well XOXO

Deciding to go Natural

After spending a lot of time researching and thinking about things we decided that for now the donor egg/IVF route is not for us.  Not only is it very invasive and you have to pump your body full of drugs it is also $20,000 a try.  There is no guarantee that it will work.

On the same website that we used to research (Fertile Thoughts) I found a blog that sparked my interest.  I am so thankful that I found it because it really got me going on my more natural approach.  Thank you
http://one-in-ten-million.blogspot.com/, I am so glad I found your blog and you are such an inspiration to all of us that have POF.

I also found three private Facebook groups that have girls from all over the world that are going through the same thing I am, this has been a huge help as well.

The other hard thing about this diagnosis is that it has been estimated that POF affects 1% of the population.  I have found that this leads to doctors not knowing a whole lot about it either because they don't see patients that have it very often.