Good Days and Bad Days

I have many more good days than bad.  But when I have a bad one it just hits me like a ton of bricks.

I have been continuing with my herbs/supplements, bi weekly acupuncture, weekly Merciér therapy, castor oil packs, fertility tea and vaginal steams.  The only thing that I have changed is I stopped drinking my wheat grass each morning. It was the worst part of my regimen and I was just over it.

We have been very busy with the holidays.  Which leaves not a lot of time to think...just going from one place to another.  It has been a nice break from the day to day routine.

This whole infertility thing is not easy.  Especially around the holidays.  Just another reminder that we don't have children.  I would love to wake up Christmas morning and be able to see the joy of a child first thing. Kids just make things more fun. I feel like I have a hole in my heart, like I need to grieve something but can't really do it because it is such an unknown.  Sometimes I feel like I am just stuck.  I know this too shall pass and I just have to be patient, but that isn't always easy to do.

Yesterday we went to the Razorback basketball game.  As we were driving home there is a huge sign that shows the number of births that a local hospital system has for the year. Since it is the end of the year the number was very large. This didn't seem to bother me at first. Once we got home I couldn't stop thinking about it. It just consumed my mind. It was a HUGE number and I have doctors telling me I can't be a part of it.  It is just not fair.  

On top of that, my whole weight thing really hit me last night.  My clothes have been tighter and everything I do (diet and exercise), nothing seems to change that. I don't even like to look at myself in the mirror anymore. And when I do it is like I don't even recognize the person I look like anymore. Now I know logically speaking this probably has to do with my thyroid from the tests I finished taking, but it still makes me feel like it is just another thing wrong with me which isn't easy to take in either.

I ended up in our bedroom crying my eyes out.  Sometimes I just have to let it all out.  I always feel so much better after that.  

I have said this before and I would say it EVERY. SINGLE. DAY. My husband is amazing. He always comes to my side to comfort me and to make it all better. I would be completely lost without him. Even though I am sure he thinks I am crazy sometimes - I just cry out of the blue for no reason at times! He never even flinches to be right by my side. I am so blessed to have him in this journey with me.

I found this quote online and I just love it!

3rd week of Merciér Therapy and Shoutout

I completed my 3rd week of Merciér therapy on Thursday.  That was my 10th session.  I have two more left.

I have no scar tissue left and both of my ovaries are easily found so I have come a long way in the past 3 weeks.  It is not tender anywhere anymore either so it is like getting an hour and a half massage each day, what's not to like?!

Karen and I were hoping to have my cycle back by now but it hasn't happened.  This leaves me a little disappointed.  Although through this whole process my body has never done anything like anyone else's so I shouldn't expect it to now!  I know that it will come back.  Just have to be patient.

I am still taking my 22 herbs and supplements a day as well as drinking Pregnitude and wheat grass.  I am also drinking my 3 glasses of fertility tea a day.  I do my steam each day that I have Merciér therapy done and my castor oil packs as well.  I also started temping this week, in case you don't know what this is you use a basal thermometer and take your temperature by mouth before getting out of bed in the morning.  This makes you more aware of when you are ovulating.  I did this for two months in July and August and never ovulated based on my temperature (With POF you normally don't ovulate, your body thinks it is in menopause).  I am hoping with everything being opened up from the therapy we will have better luck this time.
  
I also wanted to give a little shout out to Karen.  She bravely did a radio interview about Merciér therapy and has allowed me to share it with everyone.  She truly is a blessing in my life!  If you have time you should listen to it, if not just read the article and share with anyone you may know.  Women keep this stuff a secret and it shouldn't be.  The more we talk about it the more we can help others.  (I am also mentioned in about the 47th minute of the interview).

http://intentionradio.com/2013/11/no-more-suffering-in-silence-karen-miller/?post_id=7774&search_category&search_label&author&no_redirect=true

Fertility Tea and V Steam

One of the things that goes along with Merciér therapy is fertility tea and V steam.

My first day of my massage after I was finished Karen gave these to me and asked that I drink 2 - 3 glasses of tea a day and do the steam each day that I have the therapy completed.

Fertility Tea - the following herbs are used:

• Chasteberry - stimulates the hormone involved in ovulation and restores female hormonal balance
• Red Raspberry Leaf - has the ability to tone the uterus and muscles of the pelvic region
• Ladies Mantle - regulates the monthly menstrual cycle
• Nettle Leaf - contains a wide spectrum of vitamins and minerals that are crucial to good reproductive health - Nettle contains vitamins A, C, D, K, potassium, phosphorus, iron and sulfur.  Nettle also contains calcium, a mineral that affects a woman's ability to conceive and maintain pregnancy
• Peppermint - give the tea a delicious flavor and serves as a sexual stimulant
• Green Tea - is a powerful antioxidant that enhances reproductive health by repairing the oxidative damage that occurs naturally as the result of environmental toxins and aging

Vaginal Steams - this blend of specific herbs and steam will allow the pelvis and the reproductive organs to open up and be ready to receive on many levels.  V steam helps to release tension and relax pelvic floor muscles.  

• Sage - is used to help reduce hot flashes and dysmenorrhea - sage has a component that is estrogenic
• Comfrey Leaf - has an anti-prostaglandin property that reduces inflammation.  Several studies have shown that Comfrey can influence the production of sex steroid hormones which stimulate the ovaries.
• Lavender Flowers - have sedative properties and are good for calmin, anxiety and tension as well as relaxing spasms within the musculature
• Basil Leaf - helps to treat hormonally related fertility issues as well as easing discomforts of menopause and dysmenorrhea
• Oregano Leaf - is antibacterial and soothing
• Yarrow Leaf - expels toxins, is wound healing and can dispel blood clots.  Yarrow has been used to cease heavy bleeding and can also be used for amenorrhea.  This herb is a natural anti-inflammatory too.

This is a picture of the tea and the steam herbs.