Where There Is Hope...

I found this quote and it is so true for me this week...

Through our entire journey I have tried to never give up hope. That is the one thing about it, always something to hold on to. When we decided to start our adoption journey after struggling through our infertility journey we had to lay some things to rest. 

Things that most people our age don't have to do. Infertility is such a grieving process. I don't think you truly know unless you have gone through it. You have to grieve a baby you may never have. Just like a death. Except you have to say goodbye to someone that you never even got a chance to meet. Which may sound crazy to most people, but it is the truth. And it is so sad, you never know when the end of the road is. There is always that little glimmer of hope that you just can't give up on.

When you are growing up you picture what your family will look like when you are grown. That your children will look like part of you and part of your husband. You hear it all the time; he/she looks so much like you. That is one of the many things that infertility strips from you. That we may never have someone say that to us about our future children.

This Monday was a HUGE day. After 2 years and 10 months of nothing, no signs whatsoever of my fertile years. I got my cycle back. So many emotions have been involved. I cried, was in disbelief, complete and udder shock. 

I have had two reproductive endocrinologists and two OBGYN's tell me that this will never happen. That I would never get my cycle back because I am in full blow menopause. We have tried everything for almost two years. Countless herbs, supplements, fertility tea, castor oil packs, drinking the nastiest tasting thing I have ever had; wheat grass! And all in one day, everything changed. Just like that. 

I don't know what made it happen, will probably never know. But, I do know that after all of our hard work; it feels like it has finally paid off. 

I am still getting my massages and I feel like that has a lot to do with it. When I called my massage therapist to tell her the news I had tears in my eyes. She was so thrilled for me as well. And has stood behind me every step of the way. Always going the extra mile to help me out and to help me get answers. I am so indebted to her for being my cheerleader. I know that God puts people in your life for a reason and I truly believe she was put in mine for a reason.

One of the things that I have researched that if I ever did get my cycle back was to get cycle day 3 (CD3) testing. I went to the doctor on Wednesday and had that done. Very hopeful for good results. All of my numbers have improved, greatly from what they have ever been before. My FSH which is one of the big factors, the number has always been off the charts. 114, 104 and 94, my CD3 test came back as 58. That is by far the lowest I have ever seen in my results. I wasn't very happy about it at first because it is not what it is supposed to be. It has to be under 10 for a chance of pregnancy. And I feel like I am a long way from that. But, if I look at it as glass half full, it has gone down substantially.

While talking to my sister on the phone that day she told me to celebrate my victories, no matter what they are. I love her and the support she gives me each and every day.

While sitting at dinner on Thursday night after the roller coaster of emotions from the beginning of the week, Benji and I were talking about it. I was being hard on myself and feeling not so happy about the results because they are not what they are "supposed" to be. He is another person that I am so grateful for. He is here for me in the day in and day out of it. And never waivers, always giving me the boost I need. Telling me how proud he was of me and how far I have come, it brought me to tears.

This is a HUGE victory for me. And for that I am thankful. 

Where there is hope, there is faith. Where there is faith, miracles happen. 

So now I get to count my cycle days, something that I have never been able to do since I have been diagnosed. And to still have hope for our little miracle.

I don't know what next month will bring, if it will come back or be non existent again. But I am choosing to be grateful for our victory.

Back to School

We have been on our journey through infertility now for a year and a half. The beginning was definitely the most emotional for me. Trying to get through all the information and understanding one sentence that will forever change two people's lives.

Once we digested the initial shock we went in to battle mode. How are we going to beat this? Researching, researching, researching. Looking for success stories to boost our confidence and trying to beat the odds that are stacked very high against us.

Two infertility clinics later we knew that the way for us to go was a more natural path. Our odds according to those doctors weren't very good so we didn't have much to lose.

I have been completely focused on that for the past year, a year and two and a half months to be exact. Sometimes it doesn't seem like that long but sometimes if feels like an eternity.

Things have started to slow down for us. I have taken herbs and supplements for longer than I have planned, I tried acupuncture. Got the right medication to get my thyroid on track. Doing my Mercier Therapy to get rid of my scar tissue and get everything flowing and moving correctly.

When we began the natural journey I was sure that it was going to work, isn't that how things always are at the beginning?! I still have hope, my light is just a little dimmer than it was at the beginning. I will never give up on this, for as long as I live. I will continue to research and find new things that are working for people and happening in the infertility world. But, sometimes one can only take so many hits before it starts getting to them.

This past Sunday I was scrolling through Facebook. I started noticing all of the back to school posts about people getting all of their child's things together for their very first day of preschool, kindergarten, middle school, junior high...etc.

It hit me like a ton of bricks. All of these people are my age. Friends, people I went to school with, family. Everyone but me is getting ready to send their kids back to school.

Not me.

It is crazy how the world of social media can sometimes make you feel inadequate or lonely. When it should be the complete opposite of that.

I decided last Sunday to take a break. From all of it. No more Facebook, Twitter, Instagram. Nothing. Just me and my thoughts.

I knew I wouldn't be able to handle all of the back to school posts that were to come the very next morning. I cried myself to work every day this week and every day on the way home. Passing school busses, school zones, kids walking down the sidewalk.

This week was one of the hardest weeks of my infertility journey. I think last year at this time I was so focused on me and the journey I was on and the newness of figuring out what to do and what the next thing would be to get me pregnant. That I didn't have time to see it or get down about it.

Not this year.

It has been kind of nice to be disconnected from the world for the past 6 days. Just me and my thoughts. Not comparing myself to others, not seeing birth announcements, not seeing the daily reminder that I don't have kids and am clearly not pregnant.

Now, don't get me wrong. I LOVE these things. I love children. I love my family and I love my friends and all of their kids. Most of the time it doesn't bother me at all. I love being able to see pictures of my friends and family that are far away that I don't get to see all the time, and keeping up with them and what they are doing.

Life just sucks sometimes and this is one of those times. Life is not fair. That is one lesson that I have learned the hard way.

I am glad I have had this week to reflect. What doesn't kill you makes you stronger is my motto lately.

Just being real and writing out my thoughts so that when I do have my baby I can look back and see the journey it took and to be so thankful for the things I do have in life.

Loving this quote lately and it is so true!

A Dream is a Wish Your Heart Makes...

Wow, I can't believe that it has been almost a month since I have updated my blog. Life has been kind of crazy and busy lately. Which is a good thing because I haven't had the time to be down and sulk about my situation.

Not a whole lot has changed. I am still doing my daily routine. Taking herbs/supplements in the morning and evening. Still going to Mercier therapy every other week. I am taking a break from acupuncture. We discussed it and I am taking about 6 weeks off to give my body a break (per my acupuncturist). I have missed it. It is so relaxing to me, and each time I would go it would knock me out cold in to a deep sleep.

I got my thyroid results back after being on my medication for 8 weeks and everything has leveled off. Which is a good thing. I was hoping to have been able to lose some weight, no chance. I was reading through a few things about hypothyroidism that says a person that has it has to work 3 times harder than an average person in order to see results. Add full blown menopause on top of that and life is just perfect! That really bothers me, but I am going with the mentality of one day at a time. I do what I can.

I have been in a rut mentally and emotionally the past few weeks. I thought that spring would be a welcoming season for me. Not so much. Nothing like everything being reborn from the winter months to really slap you in the face. Every day on my drive home I see the new baby calves and foals. Just another reminder that everything can reproduce but me. I know in my mind that this is a horrible attitude to have, but some days you just have your moments.

I have been incredibly sad too. Any little thing just sends me in to a flood of tears. This is so odd to me because at the beginning of my journey I was really upset and then once I kept going things seemed to level off. I know it just takes a toll. I am approaching a year on my natural path and haven't seen any results at all from it. Not even one drop (pun intended!). That bothers me...A LOT! At the beginning, I read success story after success story which really boosted my confidence. I know my chances are slim. I get that. If I was a betting woman I wouldn't bet on something that had a 5% chance.

I see pregnancy announcements, gender reveal parties, baby showers and new babies being born all the time. And I want that so bad. My peers are all having children. These ARE my child bearing days. This is what my body is supposed to do and it isn't.

But, then there is faith and there is hope. So thankful that I have both of them. Always there for me to lean on.

I have always compared infertility to the stages of grieving (I need to do a post on that later). And it could not be more true. The only thing is that you are grieving something that you have never had. Just a small glimpse of what we could have. I have never wanted anything so bad in my entire life. I struggle with the why all the time too. Why is someone that is addicted to drugs able to have children and I am not? I don't think that I will ever have an answer to that question. I know that I have to be patient and believe...but it is still so hard. The thing about grieving infertility though is that it keeps going. I don't know that I will ever have closure on it.

I was flipping through the channels the other day and Cinderella was on. Funny how when you are a kid you memorize all the songs to Disney movies, but I never thought about the words until I heard them that day. I feel like I was meant to hear that at that moment. And it couldn't be more true...

A dream is a wish your heart makes
When you're fast asleep
In dreams you lose your heartaches
Whatever you wish for, you keep
Have faith in your dreams and someday
Your rainbow will come smiling through
No matter how your heart is grieving
If you keep on believing
the dream that you wish will come true

I have been reading this each day, as a reminder that I just need to keep on believing and my wish will come true!

Show Us Your Life - Infertility

I am linking up to Kelly's Korner blog this morning. She does a "Show Us Your Life" post on Friday's and today is about infertility.

I was diagnosed with Premature Ovarian Failure (POF) in February 2013. I had just turned 29 years old. I have been on my journey now for one year.

POF is the loss of function of the ovaries before age 40. Basically your body goes in to premature menopause. Most people with this diagnosis have hot flashes, night sweats, etc. All the signs of menopause. I have been lucky so far. My only symptoms are my high FSH and amenorrhea.

I was also diagnosed last month with hypothyroidism. This means that I have an underactive thyroid. There is a lot of information out there linking infertility and thyroid issues so I am hoping this will get me one step closer.

Since I started my journey last year I have decided to take a more natural approach. I have been to numerous doctors, 2 fertility clinics and have received the same information from all. That I have a 5% chance of getting pregnant on my own, the same is true if I were to do IVF, only 5% chance with that as well. Since the percentages are so low the only option they give me is donor egg through IVF. My ovaries aren't working but, my uterus would be able to carry a baby.

Back to the natural part. I take herbs/supplements each morning and night. I have been going to acupuncture. I started Mercier Therapy (natural/manipulative therapy on your abdomen). All in an effort to get my body back to what it is supposed to do.

One thing I have learned throughout my journey is that you can never give up hope. It isn't easy, everyday reminders of pregnancy, people my age all having children. Infertility can be a very lonely world. Everyone in my life has been very supportive but unless you have gone through it/are going through it, it is hard to understand.

I have really learned a lot about myself so far. I am a lot stronger than I ever thought I was. My husband is amazing, I knew this before, but until you go through something this hard I guess you don't appreciate it as much.

I am happy about our decision thus far. For now we don't want to do the donor egg/IVF option. We have talked about fostering/adoption. But, aren't in a hurry. We do have some time. One other thing that I have learned is to take time to think about large life decisions. Everything does get better with time. A year ago at this time I was much more emotional/raw. Since then, I don't cry as often and have become stronger when talking about it as well.

My blog is about my journey so far. My hope is that I will be able to help just one person.

Will be praying for everyone going through this journey as well XOXO

The Big Three O and 1 Year

I turned 30 this past Friday. If you know me, I have been dreading this day for sometime. You see I always thought I would have a nice little happy family by the time that I was 30, doesn't every little girl dream about that? Good job, house, married and with children. I have 3 out of 4, just waiting on that last one.

My body apparently heard me talking about not wanting to have a birthday because I caught a horrible case of the stomach virus. So glad that is over with and that I am now on the mend.

Today marks one year since my diagnosis of POF. CRAZY..I can't believe it has already been a year.

I will never forget that day. Getting a phone call, going back to the doctor with Benji and then sitting in the car both of us crying, not knowing what to say. Calling my mom and sister and going to my sisters house and crying my eyes out to them. So thankful to have both of my families close.

Some days it feels like it has gone by slower than a snail but other days it seems like it flew by. I have learned so much about myself in the past year. With the bad always comes good. As I have mentioned before, I am a very organized person and LOVE lists. So, I thought I would make a list of the observations/things I have learned so far in my journey.

• I still wake up every morning thinking this is all just a nightmare and that it isn't true - not sure that this fact will ever change

• I am a lot stronger than I ever thought I was - tell me I can't do something and one day I WILL prove you wrong

• My marriage has only grown stronger from all of this and for that I am thankful - it has always been strong from the beginning. We go together like two peas in a pod. But, until you have something that can alter that, you don't realize what you really have. I have said it many times but my husband is my rock and has been so amazing through our infertility journey. He makes sure to always use "us" even when I mostly feel like it is me. He is so understanding and loving with his words, always finds a way to make me smile. I truly am nothing without him.

• I have cried more in one year than I have the other 29 years of my life

• I have met many new people in the past year due to infertility and our similarities. So thankful to have met these sweet girls, even if some of them have only been through the internet. Something about someone knowing exactly what you are going through makes things much easier.

• I have created/found an amazing support group to get my body back to its optimal health - doctors, acupuncturist, chiropractor, massage therapist (with that one I even got a true friend out of the deal - love you Ms Karen!)

• I have an amazing support system, friends and family both. Even though they may not always know what to say to me they are there for me and support me and that means more than anything to me.

• I have become more sensitive to people in general. Never again will I ever ask anyone I meet - "When are you having kids?" That is such a loaded question and really puts someone who is struggling through infertility in an awkward/emotional position. 

• I have found out that in today's world with medicine you have to do what is right for you, even though someone tells you something that they say is your only option you don't have to listen to them. Take time to think through all your options so that you can make the best one.

• I am thankful that I am not $20,000 - $40,000 in debt from infertility treatments

• Life isn't fair

• Time really does heal all wounds - I am a lot tougher than I was a year ago at this time, I cry a lot less frequently. The pain is still there but it seems easier to cope with.

I saw this quote online today and thought it was so fitting. I love it!

Another Piece to the Puzzle

I have been on a mission ever since I finished my thyroid test. 

I went back to acupuncture yesterday and she told me more than likely based on my low temperatures and symptoms I have hypothyroidism. She started me on an iodine supplement - taking 225mcg per day with the rest of my supplements that I take. I will do this for 2 months and then retake my temperatures to see if there are any changes.

So with that I looked up hypothyroidism: Often called under active thyroid. This is a common endocrine disorder in which the thyroid gland does not produce enough thyroid hormones.

On Friday night I had a girl reach out to me that was reading my blog post about my thyroid test and she told me she too has thyroid problems. To be exact, Hashimoto's thyroiditis which is known as the most common cause of hypothyroidism, it is known as an autoimmune condition. {Everything happens for a reason}

Now, when I started my whole journey and when I was diagnosed all three doctors that I have been to have told me that the cause of my POF is unknown (most cases are). This is due to the other test that I had completed coming back as negative (Fragile X ). But one thing that has always stuck out in my mind with POF is that when you look at the causes that are known from it a lot of them are attributed to autoimmune disorders. Lightbulb!

That led me to look up Hashimoto's thyroiditis or chronic lymphocytic thyroiditis: this is an autoimmune disease in which the thyroid gland is attacked by a variety of cell- and antibody-mediated immune processes. It was the first disease to be recognized as an autoimmune disease.

I have the following signs of Hashimoto's thyroiditis:

• Weight gain
• Sensitivity to heat and cold
• Dry, itchy skin
• Memory loss
• Infertility

I just really feel like I have finally figured out another piece to all of this. I won't know for sure that I have it until I get some additional blood tests taken. I will be going to a local doctor that specializes in thyroid on the 23rd, I can't wait!

I also did some additional research on Hashimoto's - I found this on the Cedars Sinai health conditions. 

Other Associated Disorders

Although the majority of patients with Hashimoto's thyroiditis and their genetic family members will never experience any other autoimmune condition, they do have a statistically increased risk of developing the following disorders:

• Type 1 Diabetes Mellitus (insulin-requiring)
• Graves' disease (goiter and hyperthyroidism or overactive thyroid)
• Rheumatoid arthritis
• Pernicious anemia (inability to absorb vitamin B12, potentially causing anemia and neurologic problems)
• Addison's disease (adrenal failure; the adrenal gland provides cortisol to handle stress and illness)
• Premature ovarian failure (early menopause)
• Vitiligo (patchy loss of skin pigmentation)
• Thrombocytopenic purpura (bleeding disorder due to inadequate platelets in the blood)
• Lupus erythematosus (autoimmune disease that involves skin, heart, lungs, kidneys)

Do you see the 6th point?! Seriously...this is the only infertility disorder on here and only 1% of the population have POF. I don't think this is a coincidence. I feel like this is HUGE!!!

I was telling my mom this whole story today at lunch and I teared up when I told her. I finally feel like I am getting somewhere. Like all of the things that I have been doing have finally paid off. I have struggled with this part of it. Doing everything and then getting blood tests taken that show no improvement. Not starting my period after finishing my 12 sessions of Merciér therapy. Let down after let down. But, I have kept the faith and stayed positive and this is what it is all for. 

FINALLY - a breakthrough. January 23rd can't come soon enough!

Good Days and Bad Days

I have many more good days than bad.  But when I have a bad one it just hits me like a ton of bricks.

I have been continuing with my herbs/supplements, bi weekly acupuncture, weekly Merciér therapy, castor oil packs, fertility tea and vaginal steams.  The only thing that I have changed is I stopped drinking my wheat grass each morning. It was the worst part of my regimen and I was just over it.

We have been very busy with the holidays.  Which leaves not a lot of time to think...just going from one place to another.  It has been a nice break from the day to day routine.

This whole infertility thing is not easy.  Especially around the holidays.  Just another reminder that we don't have children.  I would love to wake up Christmas morning and be able to see the joy of a child first thing. Kids just make things more fun. I feel like I have a hole in my heart, like I need to grieve something but can't really do it because it is such an unknown.  Sometimes I feel like I am just stuck.  I know this too shall pass and I just have to be patient, but that isn't always easy to do.

Yesterday we went to the Razorback basketball game.  As we were driving home there is a huge sign that shows the number of births that a local hospital system has for the year. Since it is the end of the year the number was very large. This didn't seem to bother me at first. Once we got home I couldn't stop thinking about it. It just consumed my mind. It was a HUGE number and I have doctors telling me I can't be a part of it.  It is just not fair.  

On top of that, my whole weight thing really hit me last night.  My clothes have been tighter and everything I do (diet and exercise), nothing seems to change that. I don't even like to look at myself in the mirror anymore. And when I do it is like I don't even recognize the person I look like anymore. Now I know logically speaking this probably has to do with my thyroid from the tests I finished taking, but it still makes me feel like it is just another thing wrong with me which isn't easy to take in either.

I ended up in our bedroom crying my eyes out.  Sometimes I just have to let it all out.  I always feel so much better after that.  

I have said this before and I would say it EVERY. SINGLE. DAY. My husband is amazing. He always comes to my side to comfort me and to make it all better. I would be completely lost without him. Even though I am sure he thinks I am crazy sometimes - I just cry out of the blue for no reason at times! He never even flinches to be right by my side. I am so blessed to have him in this journey with me.

I found this quote online and I just love it!

4th week of Merciér Therapy

Today was my 4th week or Merciér therapy.  I had one session on Tuesday and one session today, this was my 12th session.

When I signed up for this that was the agreement.  12 sessions - 3 to 4 times a week.  I think that I felt things would be different by this point.  Meaning I would have started my period.  I am disappointed that I haven't. Since I haven't started yet we are going to do one session each week until I do.  Part of the program is six additional massages after you have completed the 12 sessions.  So these will be part of the whole package.

But I can't short change things either.  A LOT has changed.  Even though I have not hit the final result that I wanted to yet there have been a lot of things that have changed.

I have zero scar tissue left that can be felt.  Just 4 weeks ago I thought that I didn't have a right ovary because it didn't come up on an ultrasound and couldn't be felt in my consultation and first session.  I have a lot more elasticity in my mid section.  Things feel much more open and free instead of tight and closed.

I am proud of myself for how far I have come since this diagnosis.  I have done a lot of things to change the results and just because I have yet to see those results change as a number or on a piece of paper I am at peace with what I have completed.

Tomorrow is Thanksgiving day.  I am looking forward to traveling to Nebraska and spending the holidays with family.  It will also be  time to relax and let my mind take a break from infertility.  I will take my herbs and supplements with me and take those while we are out of town but  I will take a break from the wheat grass, castor oil packs and V steams.  It is just too much to travel with those things.

I hope everyone has a very Happy Thanksgiving and you get to spend time with your loved ones <3 I am so thankful and blessed!

I really love this quote...and I will live by that until my miracle happens.

The Dreaded Test

I have been contemplating on whether or not I should write about this.  But, when I started this blog I promised myself that I would document my ENTIRE journey.  And this is just part of it.

When I first stopped taking my birth control pills and didn't have a period I thought as everyone would that I may be pregnant.  I mean, it happens to people while they are on the pill, so surely it could happen right after I stopped.  During that time I always made sure to have a box of pregnancy tests handy.  I would take one every now and then since I hadn't had a period.  After I went to the doctor and got the news that they think I won't have children I quit putting myself through the agonizing pain of taking the tests.

Since I have been on my natural path it has always been in the back of my mind that I should take a test, but I haven't done it.  Mostly because I have always received a negative result so why would I want to keep reminding myself of it.

Well, today was that day.  I have been doing my fertility massages for three weeks.  There is no scar tissue left and my ovaries have become normal size again.  Since I haven't gotten my period yet, most girls do by this time, I thought I should just take a test and be pleasantly surprised.

And once again, that damn stick proved me wrong.  It is kind of crazy if you think about it, one stick, with one or two words on it can completely change your life.

I think all women who struggle with infertility grow to hate these things as much as I do.  It is such a let down.  Just when you think you know your body has changed, BAM it slaps you right back down.  You want to be excited about it but you know month after month it is going to say the same thing.  Today was no different.  I try to not let it bother me, and I have to say I do a pretty good job at it.  But sometimes it just gets to you.  For me mostly it is while I am driving and have plenty of time to myself and time to think.  I drive down the road with tears just streaming.  I am sure I get weird looks from other drivers but I don't care.  It is my time and if that is how I let it out, that is my thing.

I can't wait for the day that I can prove that stick wrong!

3rd week of Merciér Therapy and Shoutout

I completed my 3rd week of Merciér therapy on Thursday.  That was my 10th session.  I have two more left.

I have no scar tissue left and both of my ovaries are easily found so I have come a long way in the past 3 weeks.  It is not tender anywhere anymore either so it is like getting an hour and a half massage each day, what's not to like?!

Karen and I were hoping to have my cycle back by now but it hasn't happened.  This leaves me a little disappointed.  Although through this whole process my body has never done anything like anyone else's so I shouldn't expect it to now!  I know that it will come back.  Just have to be patient.

I am still taking my 22 herbs and supplements a day as well as drinking Pregnitude and wheat grass.  I am also drinking my 3 glasses of fertility tea a day.  I do my steam each day that I have Merciér therapy done and my castor oil packs as well.  I also started temping this week, in case you don't know what this is you use a basal thermometer and take your temperature by mouth before getting out of bed in the morning.  This makes you more aware of when you are ovulating.  I did this for two months in July and August and never ovulated based on my temperature (With POF you normally don't ovulate, your body thinks it is in menopause).  I am hoping with everything being opened up from the therapy we will have better luck this time.
  
I also wanted to give a little shout out to Karen.  She bravely did a radio interview about Merciér therapy and has allowed me to share it with everyone.  She truly is a blessing in my life!  If you have time you should listen to it, if not just read the article and share with anyone you may know.  Women keep this stuff a secret and it shouldn't be.  The more we talk about it the more we can help others.  (I am also mentioned in about the 47th minute of the interview).

http://intentionradio.com/2013/11/no-more-suffering-in-silence-karen-miller/?post_id=7774&search_category&search_label&author&no_redirect=true

2nd week of Merciér Therapy

I made it through my 2nd week of the massage therapy.  I have really grown to love it and I look forward to going each day.

Karen and I talk the entire time of my massage, we have so much in common and share the same thoughts and ideas that it isn't even funny.  Sometimes I feel like she is my therapist too!

My last day of therapy for this week was Friday.  She mentioned that my ovaries when I started last week were very small, some of the smallest she had ever felt.  This wasn't a surprise to me because I had heard this from the doctors as well.

She gave me some great news that my ovaries were starting to feel much larger.  The left one especially.  The right one she is still able to find each time which is very promising to me.

Our goal is to get my cycle back and then once I have that back go from there in regards to getting pregnant.  I am also able to feel tingling/pain in that part of my abdomen which we both think of as a very good sign.

Great report at Acupuncture

I have still been continuing my acupuncture every other week.  Since the start of my Merciér therapy I have been looking forward to going back to acupuncture to see if there have been any changes.

When I arrived Friday morning I asked Dr L if she could re measure my frequencies to see if my readings looked better.  She was more than happy to do it.

I have to hold a metal piece that is attached to a machine in my right hand and then she uses the other part and places it on different parts of my hands and feet to measure the different meridians on my body.

Once completed we reviewed the last time I had my frequencies checked and I had MAJOR improvements specifically in the area of my abdomen. Once again great news, I am starting to like this.   I believe that this is due to everything working together but most importantly the Merciér therapy and specifically when I felt the tissue move the week before.

1st week of Merciér Therapy

My first day of Merciér therapy I was pretty anxious.  I wasn't exactly sure what to expect and what the pain level would be.

The first day was pretty painful on my abdomen area but we had a lot of scar tissue to work through.  She was able to find my left ovary right away but couldn't locate my right ovary.  There was a lot of blockage.

I was really sore when I woke up on Wednesday morning.  And I had to go back for another day of therapy which I wasn't looking forward to as I was sore from the day before.  I laid on the table and she began the treatment again.

While she was working on my right side we heard a noise and then I could feel tissue move underneath my skin and break apart.  It was the weirdest feeling.  Ever since I began all of this and all that I have been taking and doing I finally felt that this was meant to be.  I could actually feel the physical results.  Once the tissue moved she was able to locate my right ovary.  Success!!  I was so ecstatic.

The third massage that week she was able to go even deeper, and she was able to find both ovaries right away which was great news to me.  I was getting more used to the massages by now and was actually looking forward to them.

Fertility Tea and V Steam

One of the things that goes along with Merciér therapy is fertility tea and V steam.

My first day of my massage after I was finished Karen gave these to me and asked that I drink 2 - 3 glasses of tea a day and do the steam each day that I have the therapy completed.

Fertility Tea - the following herbs are used:

• Chasteberry - stimulates the hormone involved in ovulation and restores female hormonal balance
• Red Raspberry Leaf - has the ability to tone the uterus and muscles of the pelvic region
• Ladies Mantle - regulates the monthly menstrual cycle
• Nettle Leaf - contains a wide spectrum of vitamins and minerals that are crucial to good reproductive health - Nettle contains vitamins A, C, D, K, potassium, phosphorus, iron and sulfur.  Nettle also contains calcium, a mineral that affects a woman's ability to conceive and maintain pregnancy
• Peppermint - give the tea a delicious flavor and serves as a sexual stimulant
• Green Tea - is a powerful antioxidant that enhances reproductive health by repairing the oxidative damage that occurs naturally as the result of environmental toxins and aging

Vaginal Steams - this blend of specific herbs and steam will allow the pelvis and the reproductive organs to open up and be ready to receive on many levels.  V steam helps to release tension and relax pelvic floor muscles.  

• Sage - is used to help reduce hot flashes and dysmenorrhea - sage has a component that is estrogenic
• Comfrey Leaf - has an anti-prostaglandin property that reduces inflammation.  Several studies have shown that Comfrey can influence the production of sex steroid hormones which stimulate the ovaries.
• Lavender Flowers - have sedative properties and are good for calmin, anxiety and tension as well as relaxing spasms within the musculature
• Basil Leaf - helps to treat hormonally related fertility issues as well as easing discomforts of menopause and dysmenorrhea
• Oregano Leaf - is antibacterial and soothing
• Yarrow Leaf - expels toxins, is wound healing and can dispel blood clots.  Yarrow has been used to cease heavy bleeding and can also be used for amenorrhea.  This herb is a natural anti-inflammatory too.

This is a picture of the tea and the steam herbs.

Merciér Therapy

I happened to stumble across Merciér Therapy on Facebook.  I am part of a local infertility group on Facebook and was scanning through recent posts.  The first thing I did was look it up to see what it was.

It is a manipulative therapy that is completed over a short period of time to get optimal results.  This was right along the path that I was taking, so I had to know more.

I called Karen, she was the therapist that pulled up in my area.  She was so sweet on the phone and I decided to go in for a 30 minute consultation to see what it was all about.

The purpose of Merciér therapy is to use a gentle, corrective massage therapy to create more blood flow and mobility of the uterus, ovaries and tubes.  It goes to the source of the challenge and fixes it.  This sounded much better to me than prescription drugs and injections!

Merciér therapy has to occur on a consistent basis to achieve maximum results.  It is kind of like physical therapy, just for your abdomen/reproductive area.

Karen suggested 12 sessions of therapy for a one month period which would mean 3 - 4 times a week.  There would be a 30 minute abdomen portion and an hour full body massage after that because she believes that the entire body works together, I agree with that logic as well.

While I was there she also asked if she could go ahead and feel around my abdomen area to see if she noticed anything.  While laying on the table she noticed that I had a lot of scar tissue on the right hand side of my abdomen (this is the side that the doctor in Tulsa told me he couldn't find my ovary).  She was confident that if we started the therapy that would break up that tissue.

She asked me if there had been anything in my life that I could think of as trauma to my body.  After further discussion I told her that I was in a car accident about 7 years ago, the right side would have been where my seatbelt was.  I also had a very hard fall a few years ago which was also concentrated on my right side.

We discussed timing since the 12 sessions need to be done in a very close time frame.  Karen was asked to go to Dubai to speak about Merciér therapy so we decided that I would start my treatment at the beginning of November.

I couldn't wait!