The Big Three O and 1 Year

I turned 30 this past Friday. If you know me, I have been dreading this day for sometime. You see I always thought I would have a nice little happy family by the time that I was 30, doesn't every little girl dream about that? Good job, house, married and with children. I have 3 out of 4, just waiting on that last one.

My body apparently heard me talking about not wanting to have a birthday because I caught a horrible case of the stomach virus. So glad that is over with and that I am now on the mend.

Today marks one year since my diagnosis of POF. CRAZY..I can't believe it has already been a year.

I will never forget that day. Getting a phone call, going back to the doctor with Benji and then sitting in the car both of us crying, not knowing what to say. Calling my mom and sister and going to my sisters house and crying my eyes out to them. So thankful to have both of my families close.

Some days it feels like it has gone by slower than a snail but other days it seems like it flew by. I have learned so much about myself in the past year. With the bad always comes good. As I have mentioned before, I am a very organized person and LOVE lists. So, I thought I would make a list of the observations/things I have learned so far in my journey.

• I still wake up every morning thinking this is all just a nightmare and that it isn't true - not sure that this fact will ever change

• I am a lot stronger than I ever thought I was - tell me I can't do something and one day I WILL prove you wrong

• My marriage has only grown stronger from all of this and for that I am thankful - it has always been strong from the beginning. We go together like two peas in a pod. But, until you have something that can alter that, you don't realize what you really have. I have said it many times but my husband is my rock and has been so amazing through our infertility journey. He makes sure to always use "us" even when I mostly feel like it is me. He is so understanding and loving with his words, always finds a way to make me smile. I truly am nothing without him.

• I have cried more in one year than I have the other 29 years of my life

• I have met many new people in the past year due to infertility and our similarities. So thankful to have met these sweet girls, even if some of them have only been through the internet. Something about someone knowing exactly what you are going through makes things much easier.

• I have created/found an amazing support group to get my body back to its optimal health - doctors, acupuncturist, chiropractor, massage therapist (with that one I even got a true friend out of the deal - love you Ms Karen!)

• I have an amazing support system, friends and family both. Even though they may not always know what to say to me they are there for me and support me and that means more than anything to me.

• I have become more sensitive to people in general. Never again will I ever ask anyone I meet - "When are you having kids?" That is such a loaded question and really puts someone who is struggling through infertility in an awkward/emotional position. 

• I have found out that in today's world with medicine you have to do what is right for you, even though someone tells you something that they say is your only option you don't have to listen to them. Take time to think through all your options so that you can make the best one.

• I am thankful that I am not $20,000 - $40,000 in debt from infertility treatments

• Life isn't fair

• Time really does heal all wounds - I am a lot tougher than I was a year ago at this time, I cry a lot less frequently. The pain is still there but it seems easier to cope with.

I saw this quote online today and thought it was so fitting. I love it!