Two Strikes and Approval

We received a phone call around Thanksgiving from our lawyer. She had a potential birth mom for us and said that all of our packet was given to her and that she was going to make her decision by Christmas. Ahhhhh! That made adopting so real to us. Not that it wasn't before but we were just going through all the steps and busy in the process of paperwork and interviews. It is hard when you get news like that to keep it in but we decided we would as to not get anyone's hopes up. Benji and I would talk about it...so many emotions came with it. Happiness, excitement, counting the amount of weeks that she is pregnant as to when the due date would be, etc. By Christmas we hadn't heard anything. We are both pretty patient people and we didn't want to push it. Just figured if and when she decided, or chose us that we could be excited then. 

Needless to say we didn't get chosen. Talk about a punch in the gut. Not only are we not able to have children but the approval part of adoption just plain sucks. You second guess yourself. What didn't she like about us? Why didn't she choose us? After the initial shock and tears wore off we understand that it is not about us. It is about the birth mom's decision. And I am sure that is not an easy decision to make at all.

About a month after Christmas I had someone reach out to me that knew someone that knew someone. I called my lawyer as I wasn't sure how all of that worked out. She said just get the name and number and give it to me and I will be able to ask all the legal questions. Again, the same emotions. The girl that I know was telling me what she knew about the girl. That she was 22 weeks along. Calculations in my head...when will the birthday be, what day will we finally become parents. 

Another dead end. The girl would never give her name and number. 

Some days I wallow in my tears and some days it is not so bad. Some days I get tired of holding my head up high and some days it is just another day.

My infertility journey has been two years long. Part of me hates that I went to the doctor around my birthday that year. Not that I ever thought anything would be wrong or I would get the news that I did. Part of that makes me not like celebrating my birthday because it is a reminder to me of another year without a baby. Without a family. Without the happiness that a child brings to a home. 

We are still hoping and praying every day that we get good news. Every time my phone rings and it is a number I don't know. Every day when I wake up, wondering if today will be the day. We really hope it comes soon but also know that it will happen when it is supposed to. 

In other news, we got the approval from our home study. We never thought that we wouldn't get approved but you just never know. It is good to have that paperwork in our hands and know that nothing is standing in the way of our dream to become parents.

Hooray! Our Adoption home study approval paperwork.